For such a time as this…… (Esther 4:14)

Esther414

Over and over this week, this verse has come to mind.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are part of the solution but you are not sure that you should be, that you are qualified, that you are stepping on people’s toes because you are able to be a part of the solution? That sums up a lot of the self-talk going on with me the past two weeks.  Somewhere along the way I had convinced myself that I could never be part of the solution. That equipping and encouraging others meant they were the solution – not me. A lot of incorrect thinking, of which God did not let stay; which I am glad for but the learning process can be rather tough at times.

God has given me desire to encourage and equip; this is my mission – what I am here for. For a long time I felt that it was just helping people who were on the front lines while I was in the back helping in various administrative tasks. Over the past year God has really been waking me up to that simply being a facet of the vision He has for me. Last February I had the opportunity to go to an Exponential Conference in our area and one of the activities was to write out your napkin dream. I wrote it out and at that moment would have said it was all about full time ministry, right where I was. Almost a year later – I can see that I had but scratched the surface of what God was calling me to and I was too narrow in my focus.

Part of my journey has included a season where I homeschooled my eldest son, who is a different learner. He struggles with a variety of challenges and for that season working with him from home was the best solution. During that time, I became therapist and teacher, and did a lot of learning and research. Four years ago when he went back into public school I figured that I was done with what I learned and time for a new adventure. It was time for a new adventure but God was not going to allow all He had taught me to go to waste.  He allowed me a season of rest, redeemed areas in my life that I needed redeemed and then began to set the stage for part two of this journey of parenting different learners.

This year I really sensed God ask me to learn to remain in Him. To learn what it means to abide. With what I am reading in scripture; hearing in sermons; conversations with people – all point to the fact that to follow Jesus without question requires me to remain in Jesus.

How does all of this connect back to my “such a time as this & the current situation?” Well after a lot of prayer; God pointed out a direction to help my teenage step-son with his academics and the different learner struggles. I find myself as I submit to God with this what He is asking of me – wrestling with lies that will trip me up. Its not easy, nor will it be easy. However I know that God has called me to this & as He has been whispering all week long, part of why you have gone thru all you have, all the training and working you and I have gone thru this last year; being ready to say Yes to what I ask before I tell you what; all leads up to you understanding “For such a time as this.”

His gentle whisper telling me to trust him; even when behaviors make me want to throw my hands up.
His gentle whisper that I have been called to equip, to trust and walk.
His gentle whisper to me that I am to obey and trust.

When Jesus said if you have faith of a mustard seed you can tell this mountain to move has come alive to me. I have watched a tiny bit of faith; a lot of people praying and God move a mountain that seemed like it would never move.

You may find yourself wondering how you can make it through what seems to be an impossible situation; I would challenge you to lean in. Let Jesus show up and change your perspective.

What I am seeing more than anything at the moment is that God is working in me, changing me, teaching me.

I am changing thru this situation to be more like Him.
I am learning to lean in more than ever to Jesus.
To spend dedicated time with Him each day.
To trust Him with my schedule.
To trust Him to guide my steps.
To pause and ask for directions before I move forward.
Learning what it means to follow Jesus.

He is redeeming and changing my perspective. I don’t know how the current situation will turn out – I do know that if I lean in and remain in Jesus, that I will be different at the end of it; I will be more like Jesus.

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